


Film Reel

by hizashi



Series: Accidents of Life [4]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-25 01:52:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13823973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hizashi/pseuds/hizashi
Summary: "Friendship improves happiness and abates misery by doubling our joys and dividing our grief."- Marcus Tullius CiceroA collection of stories about compounding joy and mitigating grief.





	1. Episode 01: Bobby

**Author's Note:**

> I'm honestly trying to write AoL out of my system, so we have these. This is going to be a series with each chapter coming from the perspective of a different character. This is pretty much my way of writing the things I'd thought out over the course of writing the two main stories. They will be posted two at a time but not on a regular schedule. Starting us off we have Bobby and Hanbin.
> 
> You don't have to, of course, but I recommend reading Accidents of Life and Between the Shadow and the Soul before reading any of these chapters because they will spoil the plot, and certain scenes are right out of either story. This work will make more sense after having read AoL & BtSatS. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **episode 01: bobby**
> 
>  
> 
> This is an all too familiar scene and an all too familiar feeling.

Bobby is at basketball practice. Well, they’re on break, and instead of still practicing or wrestling with his friends, he’s attempting to sweet talk a girl behind the gym. His teammate Ollie is keeping watch (and time) for him, so he’s the one who comes stumbling through the bushes, terrified, to tell Bobby that the principal, the fucking _principal,_ Robert, is on the court looking for him. So the girl runs off (scared away by both the principal’s presence and the fact that Bobby is apparently in so much trouble that the principal is looking for him), and Bobby shuffles morosely back to the gym. The principal is talking to the coach, and when both of them spot Bobby, they frown. The coach sighs, claps Bobby on the shoulder, and walks away, and the principal beckons for Bobby to follow her. Ollie, Sammy, and Mikey do the sign of the cross behind her back, and Bobby glares at them. He knows he hasn’t done anything wrong (really, he’s a model student—usually, anyway), so he’ll just wait patiently for the principal to explain to him what’s going on.

She walks him to the front office where he’s surprised to see his mother, and then the principal takes both of them to the guidance counselor’s office. The principal whispers something to the guidance counselor, who nods, and then she points to two chairs at a round table. “Please, have a seat.” Bobby and his mother sit, the guidance counselor takes another chair, and Bobby looks between the two of them, troubled. What on earth had he done? The guidance counselor is looking at his mother expectantly, so Bobby looks at her too. She seems… sad? God, what had Bobby done to upset his mother this much? He chews his lip, and his mother runs a hand over her face, and then she sighs. She reaches out and takes one of Bobby’s hands in hers, and she looks the most helpless he’s ever seen her. He swallows. This isn’t about him, he realizes. Something bad has happened—to his father, to his brother, to Hanbin, to Jinhwan…

“Honey,” his mother says in a soft voice, “Jinhwan collapsed the other day.”  
Bobby nods slowly. Jinhwan had texted him from the hospital. “Yeah,” he says, but his stomach starts twisting in knots; he hasn’t heard from Jinhwan since. He licks his lips. “I know.”  
“It’s not good. Honey, he—I don’t—honey, he’s very sick. He has leukemia.”

Bobby stops breathing. He looks between his mother and the guidance counselor, and before he realizes it, he’s shaking uncontrollably, his breathing coming out in wheezes. Leukemia? He has no idea what that means, but he knows it’s bad and a blood thing and—

“I don’t understand,” he chokes out. “I don’t understand.”

Bobby has a vague memory of the guidance counselor’s explaining a little bit about leukemia, and he thinks his mother might have tried to tell him that they would pay to send him to Korea over the summer, but he really doesn’t remember anything else about that day. All he remembers is that he goes home and cries.

*

He learns soon that Hanbin has completely lost it. He won’t leave his room or eat or sleep, and it gets so bad that his mother contacts Bobby’s mother to ask her to ask Bobby to talk to him. Bobby does, of course—for Hanbin’s sake and for Jinhwan’s—but he isn’t sure how qualified he is to help Hanbin sort his feelings out when Bobby himself is still struggling with the fact that his best friend is dying. But they set up a Skype date that everyone is surprised Hanbin even agrees to, and Bobby’s heart breaks as soon as he sees Hanbin’s face. Jinhwan video chats with Bobby twice a day every day, and Bobby had thought that that was heartbreaking enough, but this? Hanbin is just a scared thirteen-year-old kid. Bobby rubs his eyes.

“You have to go to school.”  
Hanbin shakes his head. “I can’t.”  
“Why not?”  
“Jinanie-hyung is sick! How can I sit in school? How can I go have fun and—”  
“He doesn’t want you to stay shut up in your room!” Bobby interjects hotly. “He knows what’s going on with you, you know that, right?”  
Hanbin hangs his head. “Yeah, but…”  
“No buts! You have to be strong for him, okay?” Bobby says, and Hanbin looks up. “I can’t be there, okay, so you have to be strong for him for me.”  
Hanbin’s lip quivers, but he says nothing.  
“Can you do that? Can you be strong for me?”  
Hanbin nods. “Yeah, hyung, I… yeah, I can try.”  
“Good,” Bobby says with a smile. He touches the screen. “I love you, okay?”  
Hanbin smiles weakly. “Yeah. I love you too, hyung.”

As soon as he’s by himself, Bobby holds his head in his hands, and he’s shaking. What is he even saying?

*

Bobby is lying on his bed, gazing at Jinhwan on his phone screen. He looks awful. Treatment is rough, he’s struggling with Hanbin’s reaction to his illness, and he feels isolated. “Dowonie-hyung moved to France,” Jinhwan says absently. Bobby frowns. Dowon had broken up with Jinhwan mere weeks before Jinhwan’s diagnosis (Bobby had been happy about the breakup because Dowon is a loser), but he hasn’t spoken to Jinhwan since—not even to give him words of encouragement or pity or anything. Jerk. But Jinhwan had really loved him, so Bobby is upset on Jinhwan’s behalf that Dowon has ignored him and then run off to study ballet in France. “I’m sorry, man,” Bobby says. Jinhwan then goes on to say that the only person who’s visited him at the hospital has been Hanbin. Bobby bites his lip. Everyone else is busy, it seems, and the hospital is so far away…

“When are you coming?” Jinhwan asks.  
“June tenth,” Bobby says, and Jinhwan sniffles.  
“It’s so far off,” Jinhwan mumbles in a sad voice. “I really nee—I really—I wish you were here.”  
“Me too, hyung.”  
From somewhere off-screen Bobby hears Jinhwan’s mother calling him. “I have to go,” he says. “I love you, I miss you, I’ll talk to you tonight.”

Bobby says goodbye and ends the call, and he buries his face in his pillow. He needs to get back to Korea. It’s growing clearer and clearer that Jinhwan is trying to get through this all alone. He isn’t alone, of course, but he thinks he is, and that’s the problem. Bobby rolls over and glares at his wall. And fuck Dowon. Entitled, manipulative jerk—Bobby hopes he steps on a Lego. But when his irritation with Dowon subsides, he remembers Jinhwan’s dejected expression as he’d almost told Bobby that he needs him. It breaks Bobby’s heart that he can’t be there to help his friend—either of his friends. Hanbin isn’t doing too well either.

Bobby looks at the calendar on his desk. June tenth can’t come soon enough.

*

Jinhwan is hunched over the toilet, retching. Bobby has been staying with him, but it’s only the two of them in the house right now. He has some ginger tea and water, and his eye is on his phone. Another few minutes and he’ll text Jangmi about what to do. He twists a damp cloth nervously in his hands. Jinhwan doesn’t like being alone, but he also hates it when people hover around him when he’s sick like this. So Bobby has to sit here and do nothing until Jinhwan lets him know it’s okay for him to come closer, but Bobby hates doing nothing. It’s hard to watch and feel only helplessness. Jinhwan soon stops vomiting, but he doesn’t lift his head or move for several long moments. Finally, he turns toward Bobby, his breathing shallow. There’s vomit and spit around his mouth, and his eyes are puffy and red, like he wants to cry but has no tears left. Bobby offers Jinhwan the cloth, but Jinhwan doesn’t take it; he stares at Bobby for a moment, and then Bobby sighs quietly. He inches a little closer, tilts Jinhwan’s chin up, and wipes his face. He gets up and puts the cloth in the sink, and when he sits back down, Jinhwan half-crawls, half-drags himself into Bobby’s arms.

“Why is this happening to me?”

He sounds so broken. Bobby squeezes his eyes shut, and he thanks god that Jinhwan can’t see him right now; the last thing Jinhwan needs is for Bobby to fall apart. Bobby kisses the top of Jinhwan’s head. “Oh, hyung…” he whispers. Jinhwan is trembling, and Bobby holds tighter to him. At least Jinhwan isn’t throwing up anymore. Bobby glances at his phone. He’ll call Jangmi later, maybe when Jinhwan is asleep. That way Jinhwan won’t get cross with him for calling her without talking to him first. Bobby is thinking about what he should say to Jangmi when Jinhwan suddenly stiffens, mumbles something, and then vomits all over Bobby and himself. He jerks himself from Bobby’s grasp and tries to get back to the toilet, but he doesn’t make it in time and vomits all over the floor. The next wave he does get in the toilet, and he gropes with one hand in Bobby’s direction. Bobby grabs his hand and holds it tight, and he rubs Jinhwan’s back. Jinhwan, thankfully, doesn’t throw up again, and after a few tense minutes of his hanging over the toilet, he finally sits back. There are tears streaming down his face now, and he’s shaking.

“C’mon, hyung, let’s get you in the shower.”

Bobby hands Jinhwan the cup of water and the cloth, and Jinhwan wipes himself off and rinses out his mouth. Bobby takes his dirty clothes and cleans the bathroom while Jinhwan showers. “I’m gonna go put the clothes in the laundry room, okay?” Bobby calls, but Jinhwan doesn’t respond. Bobby rubs his eyes. It’ll be fine. He dumps Jinhwan’s clothes into the basin and pulls off his own soiled clothes. He rinses them and leaves them to soak in soapy water (Jinhwan’s mom can deal with them later), and then he texts Jangmi. _Noona??? He was throwin up n he’s feelin down should I tell him to go see u or wat should I do???_ He goes into Jinhwan’s sister’s room (he’s been staying there because she’s away at university) and sifts through the clothes in his suitcase absently. His phone buzzes: _Is he still nauseated? How long has he been vomiting?_ Bobby tells her he isn’t sure and that it had only been a few continuous minutes. She doesn’t respond right away, so after he changes into clean clothes, he goes into Jinhwan’s room to set clothes out for him. Then he goes back into the bathroom with a clean towel.

“Hyung, you good?”

Jinhwan doesn’t say anything, so Bobby carefully pushes back the shower curtain. Jinhwan is sitting on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. His eyes are empty. But Bobby smells body wash and shampoo, so he knows at least that Jinhwan had washed up properly. Bobby turns off the water, helps Jinhwan to his feet, and wraps the towel around him. “I’m okay,” Jinhwan says quietly as they walk toward his room. “I’m okay.” He pulls his clothes on and lies down on his bed. Bobby stands for a moment in the middle of the room. Sometimes Jinhwan wants him right away, sometimes he likes to be by himself and asks Bobby to come in later. But this time, he holds out his hand. “Stay with me.” So Bobby stretches out beside Jinhwan, and Jinhwan grabs onto his arm. “I don’t want to talk to Jangmi-noona.” Bobby nods. “And no hospital, I’m okay, I promise I’m okay.” Jinhwan’s voice is shaky, and Bobby wills himself to keep it together. “All right,” he says. “All right.” 

Jinhwan is the farthest thing from okay, but there’s nothing else that Bobby can do for him other than let him squeeze the life out of Bobby’s arm. Bobby’s phone buzzes in his pocket, but he doesn’t check it.

*

Bobby comes over because Jinhwan’s sister had asked him to. “He isn’t speaking, and we don’t know what to do.” Bobby doesn’t know what they expect him to do about it, but he does at least know why: Jungwoo had only recently passed. Bobby finds Jinhwan outside, bundled up in sweaters and blankets, staring out at the hills on the horizon. Bobby stands behind him and places a hand on his shoulder.

“Maybe it would be easier for everyone if I just died.”  
Bobby closes his eyes and tries to keep his tone even. “Don’t talk like that.”  
“It would be easier for me.”

Bobby isn’t sure why Jinhwan says things like this to him. Only ever to him… He kneels down beside Jinhwan and takes his hands.

“Hyung, please, don’t talk like that.”  
Jinhwan looks down at Bobby, his lip trembling. “I just miss him so much,” he says after a long time.  
“I know,” Bobby whispers. Jinhwan is crushing Bobby’s fingers.  
“It isn’t fair.”  
“I know.”

*

Bobby had never thought to set Jinhwan and Junhwe up until seeing them standing right in front of each other. It had been as though a lightbulb had clicked on in his head. They are complete opposites, and yet… He thinks they’re probably perfect for each other. Jinhwan hasn’t dated anyone since Jungwoo (Hanbin doesn’t count)—he hasn’t even put himself out there since Jungwoo—and Bobby thinks it high time that Jinhwan try dating again. Or at the very least that he try to make some new friends because his only real friends are Hanbin and Bobby, and then some of Hanbin and Bobby’s friends by proxy. Bobby can tell after the first evening that Jinhwan and Junhwe hang out that they get along well, _really_ well, and he feels a smug sense of satisfaction at having set it all in motion.

His sense of smugness only grows as he watches the two of them fall in love, and not much more has ever made him happier than seeing his best friend finally have a real smile on his face again.

*

Bobby lets out a slow breath. Jinhwan has been in the office for nearly ten minutes. He’d just run in to get some books, so there’s no reason for him to be taking this long. Bobby glances at the two unread messages he’d sent Jinhwan and sighs. He has a bad feeling about this. Bobby parks the car and hurries into the building. He takes the stairs two at a time and, panting, knocks on the door to the TA office. “Hyung, you in there?” The uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach grows, and he knocks again. Then he shuts his eyes. No, no… He presses his ear to the door, and his heart sinks—he can hear Jinhwan’s sobs. Bobby tries the door, but it’s locked, so he starts banging on it. “Hyung! Hyung, open up!” But he knows Jinhwan is too hysterical to open the door, too hysterical to reach out to anyone for help, too hysterical to realize that he and his feelings aren’t a burden to the people around him who love him and just want to help him. Bobby runs a hand through his hair.

He jogs back down to the first floor to ask the secretary to unlock the door. She’s skeptical at first, but when he explains that Jinhwan had just been told his cancer might have recurred and had locked himself in the office, she hurries out from behind her desk without a word. She unlocks the door, gives Bobby a pitying look, and then heads back downstairs. Bobby takes a deep breath, buries his fear, and makes his way to Jinhwan’s desk. His heart breaks at what he sees—Jinhwan curled up under his desk, his body shaking with violent sobs. Bobby wills himself to stay strong, sits down, and stretches out his hand. He can wait.

He brings himself back to just a few months ago, when Jinhwan had been excited but nervous about his presentation. When the scariest thing either of them had to think about was their deadlines. Bobby reminds himself of Jinhwan’s embarrassed smile when he’d talked about his couple rings, of Jinhwan’s unbridled laughter at Hanbin’s last birthday party when Hanbin had made a fool of himself while dancing to girl group songs. Bobby tries to think of Jinhwan at his happiest moments, at any other time than this, or when he’d been sickest, or when he’d been sick since and called Bobby in the middle of the night to cry or vent because none of this is fair. It just isn’t fair.

Bobby drifts back to reality when he notices Jinhwan is no longer crying, but his breathing is labored. He crawls out from under the desk to grasp Bobby’s hand, and Bobby pulls him into a hug. This is an all too familiar scene and an all too familiar feeling, and Bobby hates it. He kisses the top of Jinhwan’s head. Maybe what Jinhwan needs is Junhwe. He asks, but Jinhwan starts to get worked up again. “No,” he’s saying as more tears start to spill out, “no, no, no.” Bobby is a little surprised, but then again, Jinhwan has only ever been this way around Bobby. Bobby had thought Jinhwan had opened up to Junhwe in the same way, but maybe this is different. Jinhwan is crying again, and Bobby holds him tighter. No, Jinhwan just needs someone to be with him right now, just one person, someone to make him feel like he isn’t alone. But two people at a time like this is too much. He can’t let himself be _that_ vulnerable. But he’ll need Junhwe, he’ll want Junhwe, and Bobby will call Junhwe as soon as he gets Jinhwan home.

When they get to Jinhwan’s apartment, Bobby tells him to take a shower and then runs out to pick up food. On his way, he calls Junhwe. “When can you be home?” Junhwe is quiet—he knows it’s bad—and then says he’ll take an hour off. “I’ll be there in like ninety minutes.” When Bobby gets back to Jinhwan’s apartment, Jinhwan is still in the shower. He resists the urge to check if Jinhwan is okay. Jinhwan comes out of his room after a while and squishes himself against Bobby. He smells like jasmine. Bobby rubs Jinhwan’s back and forces him to eat, and then they sit in silence until Junhwe gets home. Bobby can tell that Jinhwan sort of wants him to stay, but he needs to go talk to Hanbin, and he doesn’t want to intrude on a private moment. He kisses Jinhwan on the cheek before he goes, and Jinhwan hugs him tight, his nails digging into Bobby’s back. _Please, don’t go._ But Bobby leaves.

*

Jinhwan and Junhwe are in the middle of moving again, so Jinhwan is treating Bobby to lunch as a thank you for helping them unpack. While Bobby is shoveling noodles into his mouth, he notices Jinhwan playing with the ring on his wrist, his expression pensive. Bobby slurps up another mouthful, licks his lips, and burps.

“How many years is it now?”  
Jinhwan doesn’t look up. “Six and a half.”  
“And you’re happy?”  
Jinhwan looks up in surprise. “I have everything I could ever want.”  
“So that’s a yes?”  
“Yeah, it’s—yeah, I’m happy.”  
“Good,” Bobby says with a smile. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

Jinhwan flushes and mutters something, but Bobby doesn’t care that he’s embarrassed. He grins.

“I’m glad he makes you happy, hyung.”  
Jinhwan kicks Bobby under be table. “You do too, you know.”

He has an easy smile on his face—like he always used to have before he’d gotten sick—and Bobby gapes at him. He makes Jinhwan happy? Jinhwan goes on to say that Bobby had helped him. Saved him, really. “I’ve dumped a lot of shit on you since we were kids.” It’s Bobby’s turn to be embarrassed now. He tries to tell Jinhwan it’s nothing, but Jinhwan shakes his head.

“I think you forget,” he says slowly, “that I love you just as much as I love him. It’s just different.”

Bobby looks down at his half-finished bowl of noodles. He never thinks about how Jinhwan feels about him (or how he feels about Jinhwan, for that matter) because the feeling is so natural that it often goes unnoticed. And now that Junhwe is part of the picture, Bobby notices the feeling even less. He slurps up more noodles, and Jinhwan nudges Bobby’s leg with his foot.

“You know that, right?”  
“Yeah,” Bobby says with a small smile. “Yeah, I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bobby, Ollie, Sammy, and Mikey--the dream team. Yes, they clown Ollie because his name doesn't end in Y.
> 
> I'm sorry this is so sad.


	2. Episode 02: Hanbin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **episode 02: hanbin**
> 
> Disappointing his mother is bad enough, and disappointing Bobby is almost worse, but disappointing Jinhwan?

Hanbin downs a can of instant coffee in three gulps, drops the empty can on the ground, and crushes it beneath his foot. Jinhwan is in the hospital for chemo, and Hanbin is loitering outside a convenience store with some of his friends. He hates watching Jinhwan go through treatment. He scowls at the can. He hates _everything._ One of his friends cackles and pulls a can of cheap beer from his backpack. Nicked it from the fridge, apparently. Hanbin rolls his eyes. A daring feat. But he still takes a swig when the can makes its way to him, and he grimaces. Why do old people like this stuff? It’s gross. He takes another gulp and glares at the can.

What is he _doing_ here?

Another of his friends pulls out a package of cigarettes, and Hanbin wrinkles his nose. Smoking he won’t do. Instead, he sits on the curb and nurses the nasty cheap beer while his friends take turns passing a cigarette around (and coughing after they take the tiniest of drags, and Hanbin finds the whole thing rather foolish). He crushes the beer can like he’d crushed the coffee can, and he’s frowning at it when a foot suddenly appears and kicks the can away. Hanbin looks up in surprise, and then he scowls. It’s a high schooler, a famously awful one named Park Sihyun, and he’s got his whole gang with him. He’s obviously looking for trouble, and middle schoolers like Hanbin are the perfect prey. On his knees Hanbin’s hands curl slowly into fists.

“Look at the kids playing at being grownups,” Sihyun sneers. He snatches the cigarette from Hanbin’s (terrified and useless) friend, takes a long drag, and then breathes the smoke into Hanbin’s face.  
“Fuck off,” Hanbin says through clenched teeth.  
“I don’t fuck other dudes,” Sihyun says softly, and he grabs the collar of Hanbin’s shirt and yanks him to his feet. He leans in close. “But I know you do.”

Then he shoves Hanbin to the ground. Hanbin’s elbow bangs into the concrete, and he yelps as pain shoots through his arm. Sihyun and his gang are howling with laughter and Hanbin’s friends are cowering in the corner and Hanbin snaps. He scrambles to his feet and punches Sihyun in the jaw, and he manages to land a few more hits before he’s completely overpowered by the much bigger Sihyun and his cronies. Hanbin isn’t sure how long they whale on him before some adults break it up, and it’s only the fact that he’d been attacked first and pushed to the edge by Jinhwan’s illness that he isn’t expelled from his school.

But honestly, Hanbin wouldn’t have cared even if he had been.

*

Hanbin is sitting at his kitchen table, brooding. Nothing had been broken, but this had been his worst altercation yet. He looks at the gauze wrapped around his bruised and bloody knuckles. Fuck Sihyun. Fuck _everything._

He looks up when he hears the front door open and close, but he’s confused to see Bobby storm into the kitchen. “Up,” Bobby snarls, but Hanbin doesn’t move. Fuck Bobby. But Bobby grabs Hanbin by the arm and drags him from the kitchen, from the house, and practically throws Hanbin into the yard. Hanbin stumbles forward and then whips around to glare at Bobby, but he falters. This is the angriest he’s ever seen Bobby, and honestly, Hanbin is a little scared. But he also doesn’t really care about what Bobby thinks.

“What’s your problem?”  
“I heard about what happened,” Bobby growls. “Are you seriously fighting again, Kim Hanbin?”  
“I didn’t start it!”  
“I don’t fucking care! You were at the convenience store instead of home or hagwon or, you know, the fucking _hospital,_ and I know you were there to fucking drink!”  
“So what if I was?” Hanbin says defiantly. “I can do whatever the fuck I want.”  
Bobby shoves at him. “You are so fucking _selfish._ ”

Selfish? With an angry shout Hanbin takes a swipe at Bobby, but Bobby dodges easily and pushes Hanbin back. Hanbin trips over his own feet and goes crashing to the ground, and Bobby looms over him.

“Your mom called me,” he says in a carefully controlled voice. “She was crying, by the way. And you know who else called me? Jinanie-hyung. He cried too. He blames himself for you being a fucking out of control idiot.”

Hanbin looks away. Disappointing his mother is bad enough, and disappointing Bobby—whom he’s always looked up to—is almost worse, but disappointing Jinhwan? Especially now? Hanbin feels like his heart has shriveled up and died. He tries to swallow, but there’s a lump in his throat. He looks back up at Bobby. Bobby isn’t nearly as angry as he had been, but he clearly isn’t going to back down. And he’s still pretty pissed. 

“We are going to go to his house right now and you are going to apologize him, and then you are going to promise him that you won’t fight or drink or smoke anymore and that you will go to school every day and do your best.”

Hanbin wants to tell Bobby that he’s never smoked and to fuck off, but instead he mutters his agreement, and Bobby marches him to the bus stop. It takes an hour and a half to get to Jinhwan’s house, and over the course of the trip, Hanbin starts to feel worse and worse. Jangmi had told him his behavior is unhealthy, unconstructive, and unhelpful because all it does is hurt him and the people around him—particularly Jinhwan, she’d said, because he blames himself. Hanbin had had two other (mild, he thinks) meltdowns, and both times Jinhwan had grown more withdrawn and sicker. Well, Hanbin had thought Jinhwan had gotten sicker anyway. Hanbin had done the foolish thing and convinced himself that his episodes had happened as a result of Jinhwan’s condition, but now he’s finally ready to admit that it had just been an excuse. He feels miserable. He steals a glance at Bobby, who is leaning against the window, and then surreptitiously snakes his hand over to hold Bobby’s. Bobby seems to have calmed down enough to let him, and Hanbin chews his lip. He feels as though he’s aged ten years.

They walk the ten minutes to Jinhwan’s house from the bus stop, and Bobby rings the bell. Jinhwan answers the door, and when he sees them, a soft smile spreads across his face. Hanbin feels like even more of an asshole. They go to Jinhwan’s room, and Jinhwan eases himself into his bed. “I’m a bit tired.” Bobby drops himself into Jinhwan’s desk chair and leaves Hanbin standing in the middle of the room. He stares at his feet. There’s a hole in his sock, and he wiggles his toes until Bobby clears his throat. “Hanbin has something he wants to say to you, hyung.” Hanbin looks at Bobby, who is glaring at him, and then at Jinhwan, whose head is tilted slightly in polite confusion, and then he sighs. Yeah, he’d fucked up.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters finally.  
Jinhwan pats the space beside him on the bed. “C’mere.”  
Hanbin plops down on the bed and scoots beside Jinhwan. “I’m sorry I made you upset by getting into another fight.”  
“It’s okay,” Jinhwan says. “I know how hard it is.”  
“He has something else to say,” Bobby says in a flat voice.  
“I promise,” Hanbin says solemnly, “that I will go to school every day and I will stop drinking and I won’t let random fuckwads make me angry.”  
“And?” says Bobby expectantly.  
“I never smoked, hyung.”  
Bobby looks like he’s about to cut in with a retort, so Jinhwan holds up a hand to stop him. “That’s great, Hanbin,” he says with a small smile. “Really great.”

Hanbin hugs Jinhwan, who pats his back, and then Hanbin leans into him a bit. His weight is enough to push Jinhwan off balance, and he falls backward with a surprised squeak, Hanbin half on top of him. Hanbin presses his face into Jinhwan’s neck and holds tighter to him. Jinhwan had tensed up when he’d fallen, but he relaxes in Hanbin’s arms, and then Hanbin feels Jinhwan’s cold fingers tickle at the hair on the back of his neck. “If you feel angry or upset,” Jinhwan says quietly, “then you should talk to Jangmi-noona.” Hanbin doesn’t say anything. “The other promises are promises you’re making to Bobby and your mom, but I want you to promise me that you’ll go see her if you’re ever feeling overwhelmed.” Hanbin raises his head and gazes at Jinhwan’s face. His cute squishy cheeks are gone, and the dark circles under his eyes are more pronounced. Hanbin’s stomach twists into knots, and he sniffles.

“Can you promise me that one thing?”  
“Yeah.”

*

Hanbin drives himself to the hospital, moody. Jinhwan had actually fainted a while back. Fatigued, dehydrated, and hungry. Jinhwan isn’t usually that irresponsible about anything—particularly when it comes to his health—so Hanbin really isn’t sure how Jinhwan could have let himself get to such a state that he’d actually fainted. Hanbin had wanted to take Jinhwan to the hospital right away, but Jinhwan had been adamant about just going home, and Bobby had sided with him. Outnumbered, Hanbin had taken them to a supermarket, Bobby had bought Jinhwan some food, and that had been that. Jinhwan had been pretty much fine the next day, though still a little tired and woozy, and he’d rejected Hanbin’s offer to drive him back to his parents’ house and gone back on his own. He’d acted like it had been nothing, and Bobby had also seemed to think it had been nothing, but it had scared Hanbin. Hanbin gets a little anxious whenever Jinhwan gets really sick.

And then there had been the birthday party incident. Junhwe had ended up staying the night, which is fine, but there had been no mistaking the way Jinhwan had looked at and touched him the next morning. Hanbin and Bobby had known for a while that Jinhwan and Junhwe had been crushing on each other, but after that morning, Hanbin had been convinced the two of them were already sleeping together. Bobby hadn’t seemed as sure because he’d thought Jinhwan would tell them if he were seeing Junhwe and he’s not a fan of hooking up in general, but Hanbin had gotten him to admit that the possibility was rather likely. “I mean seriously,” Hanbin had said, “what does hyung say they do when they’re at Junhwe’s apartment?” Bobby had looked sheepish. “Watch movies and cuddle.” Hanbin had rolled his eyes because that couldn’t _possibly_ be a euphemism for something else. Bobby had been more firmly in his camp after that.

And then within two months Jinhwan and Junhwe had actually gotten together, so with the fainting that Hanbin blames on Junhwe and the fact that Jinhwan now spends as much time with Junhwe as he does with Hanbin and Bobby, Hanbin has not been in a very good mood lately. Plus, to top it all off, Bobby has been extra busy; Hanbin barely sees him at home, and the only time they have fun together nowadays is at Pride events. But Bobby has lots of friends, so his attention is divided, and his busy schedule doesn’t allow him to go to nearly as many events as he had in the past. So, really, Hanbin finds himself very, very lonely. He pulls into a parking space and trudges across the courtyard to the building with Jangmi’s office.

Jinhwan still has appointments with her. They aren’t as frequent as when he’d been sick and in the months immediately following the end of his treatment, but he still has monthly appointments. He doesn’t go to all of them in person—especially lately—but Jangmi lets anyone in his family come see her. Bobby had never really gone to see her by himself, and now he only goes if Jinhwan asks him to come along, and Jinhwan’s family doesn’t go for a variety of reasons. But Hanbin will go in. He doesn’t go if he knows Jinhwan will be there (which he always knows because he usually gives Jinhwan a ride), and this month Jinhwan is skipping, so Hanbin is stealing the appointment. Jinhwan can go in any day during lunch anyway, so Hanbin never really feels bad if he commandeers one of the appointments, with or without Jinhwan’s prior knowledge.

Jangmi had helped Hanbin during Jinhwan’s illness. She had helped all of them, of course, but Hanbin is well aware of how she had kept him from losing it. She had been just as necessary for him as she had been for Jinhwan, so the two of them had forged a special relationship. And even now that Jinhwan is cancer-free (in a way, soon, hopefully), Hanbin still seeks her out when he’s feeling down. He had promised Jinhwan years ago that he would talk to her whenever he feels overwhelmed, and that’s what he feels now. He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door to her office. She’s on the phone when she opens the door to let him in, but she shoots him a toothy grin and beckons for him to sit on the couch. He watches her while she talks; he’s pretty sure she’s talking to Jinhwan. If he doesn’t go in, he calls. She tries to foist cookies on Hanbin, and no matter how much he tries to decline, she keeps shoving the tin under his nose, so finally he relents and takes it. He takes a tentative bite of one cookie then shoves the rest into his mouth. These cookies are delicious. He’s devoured half the tin by the time Jangmi hangs up with Jinhwan (he’s sure it’s Jinhwan by now), and she laughs at him when she drops down beside him on the couch.

“So, my dear, what’s new with you?”  
Hanbin drums his fingers on the side of the tin. “Well, it’s—Bobby-hyung and Jinhwan-hyung are really busy these days.”  
“And you’re not?”  
“I am,” Hanbin says slowly, not looking at Jangmi’s face, “but it’s a different kind of busy.”  
“Hm,” Jangmi says poignantly as she helps herself to a cookie.  
“I think I’ve been taking Jinanie-hyung’s company for granted again.”

Hanbin glances at Jangmi, who has a knowing look on her face, and he feels a strange sense of relief; Jangmi always understands what he means even when he isn’t sure of it himself.

*

Hanbin is watching TV when Bobby texts him.

_I’m coming over_

_Y?_

_Hv to talk to u_

_Wat abt Heejin-noona????_

_I talked to her she gets this is important_

_Wats so impt?_

_Can u wait till I get there damn!!!_

_Fine man fuk u!!!!!!_

_K be there in 10_

Hanbin sets his phone down and frowns. What could be so important that Bobby is canceling his date night with his girlfriend? Hanbin sits back, quiet for a moment, and then it hits him: Jinhwan had gone in to talk to his doctors about his test results today. He’d said something about it in the group chat last night, and this morning Hanbin had sent well wishes and about forty thousand heart emoji (all different kinds, thank you), but Jinhwan hadn’t responded. It isn’t particularly unusual for Jinhwan to reply to messages late, so Hanbin hadn’t thought much about it. Truthfully, he’d expected something tonight or tomorrow morning along the lines of _All clear. :)_ and then a phone call over the weekend. But if Bobby’s coming over… Hanbin feels queasy. He pulls on a shirt and some shorts and gets himself some chips. He should wait before jumping to any conclusions.

Bobby arrives a few minutes later, and his expression tells Hanbin everything he needs to know. “There’s a nodule in his lung that could be cancerous.” Hanbin almost crushes the entire bag of chips to dust. Bobby explains what a nodule is and that the doctors still aren’t sure what the nodule actually means. Hanbin abandons the bag of chips to pick at his nails, and then he rubs his eyes.

“Is hyung okay?”  
Bobby sighs. “He will be.”  
“So they’re doing more tests?”  
“Did them today.” They both say nothing, and then Bobby runs a hand through his hair. “We can’t lose it, all right? Not before we even know, and not if it is—” Bobby’s voice falters.  
Hanbin stops picking at his nails and looks over at him. “Can you stay with me tonight?”  
“Yeah,” Bobby says, nodding, “yeah, of course.”  
“We can be strong tomorrow, but I think we should be allowed to be sad tonight.”  
Bobby laughs. “You’re allowed to be sad, and you can be sad around him, just don’t be—you know…”  
“I won’t,” Hanbin says, smiling weakly. “I promise.”

Bobby pulls Hanbin into a hug, and Hanbin trembles.

“I promise,” he mumbles into Bobby’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure when the next two chapters will be out, but they probably won't be as long as Bobby's and Hanbin's.
> 
> Hope you've enjoyed it so far!


	3. Episode 03: Chanwoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **episode 03: chanwoo**
> 
> Jinhwan tolerates Junhwe enough to actually sleep with him, so Chanwoo had mused that his chances for getting into Jinhwan's good graces had to be at least fair.

It takes Chanwoo the longest to get close to Jinhwan. Donghyuk and Yunhyeong he’d known for a long time, before he’d moved to Europe, and Junhwe he’d met in Europe when he and Donghyuk had come after graduation. Junhwe had been prickly and weirdly territorial about Donghyuk, and it hadn’t been till two years later when Chanwoo had moved back to Korea that they really hit it off. It had been a mutual love of teasing Yunhyeong and, strangely, a mutual fascination with breakfast burritos that had brought them together. And after a very enjoyable weekend together at Donghyuk’s house, Chanwoo had been pleasantly surprised to find that Junhwe starts texting him (endearingly bad) jokes. Hanbin had also been a bit difficult at first because he’d miscategorized Chanwoo as some sort of threat to his daily life, but Chanwoo had won him over even more easily than he had Junhwe—he’d brought Hanbin to literal tears of laughter, the sort of intense hysterical fit that doesn’t even allow for breathing, and that had been that. Bobby had been the easiest of all: Donghyuk had introduced Chanwoo as his friend, and Bobby had greeted him with a tight hug and warm smile. _Anyone good enough for Donghyuk is more than good enough for me_ had been the clear message.

But Jinhwan…

The oldest member of Donghyuk’s closest circle of university friends had been a bit of an enigma from the start. Admittedly, there had been some sort of huge drama going on since before Chanwoo had even stepped off the plane. It had been the sort of thing that Junhwe hadn’t wanted to talk about and that Donghyuk had felt obligated not to share out of respect, so Chanwoo had let it go. It had been made even more awkward by the fact that Chanwoo had watched Jinhwan have a breakdown (and really, Chanwoo had known Mirae and been well aware that ninety percent of her interactions with others end in tears), and a breakdown is a pretty intimate thing to see for someone who had met the guy only a few hours earlier. He had thought for a while afterward that Jinhwan had hated him for witnessing that, and Jinhwan’s somewhat cold behavior toward him whenever they met (which, truthfully, had been seldom) had only confirmed Chanwoo’s suspicions. He’d finally had the courage to bring it up with Donghyuk one day, late in the semester, and Donghyuk had frowned. “He doesn’t hate you,” he’d said slowly. “I just don’t think he can handle letting in someone new right now.”

It hadn’t exactly assuaged all of Chanwoo’s fears, but it had placated him a little bit. Everyone tells him he’s fun to be around, and he knows it’s true too, but it’s just that it takes a while. Sometimes he thinks he comes off as aloof in first impressions because he’s shy. But when he’d really thought about it, Junhwe is the same way, and Jinhwan tolerates Junhwe enough to actually sleep with him, so Chanwoo had mused that his chances for getting into Jinhwan’s good graces had to be at least fair. 

Everything had both gone to shit and sort of worked out in his favor with the whole pneumonia-hospitalization-brush-with-death fiasco, which Chanwoo actually hadn’t been present for because he’d been in Germany at the time. Yunhyeong had been the one to call him, frantic yet composed in his weird Yunhyeong-way, and without hesitation Chanwoo had been on a flight back to Korea the next morning. Once he’d arrived at Donghyuk’s house, he hadn’t known what to do with himself, but after a few days of sending read-but-unanswered texts to Junhwe, he’d finally gotten a call back. “Take you out for coffee?” It had been a tentative question in a tired voice, and Chanwoo had accepted the offer immediately. He’d gotten the whole story then—the getting caught, the breaking down, the sort of repairing, and then the revealing of the past leukemia—and suddenly what Donghyuk had said about Jinhwan only a few weeks earlier made total sense. It would be a lot for anyone. 

He’d gone with Junhwe (and Donghyuk and Yunhyeong) to the hospital to visit Jinhwan, which had been when they’d started to hit it off. Chanwoo is both a good listener and a good talker, so he had been whatever Jinhwan had needed him to be. He’d made Jinhwan laugh a lot too (he’s funny, remember, everyone knows this), though he hadn’t realized how important that had been until after Jinhwan had been discharged and Bobby had texted him out of the blue with an offer to treat him to lunch. “Thank you,” Bobby had said right off the bat, and Chanwoo had honestly been more confused than anything else. “It’s hard to get him to really laugh like that—to laugh for real, you know?” And Chanwoo had understood, and he’d been warmed, flattered, and touched by the praise, but it had also made him sad. He couldn’t—still can’t—imagine what Jinhwan lives with every day. 

But the hospital visits had been enough, and finally Chanwoo had a friend in Jinhwan too.

He’s thinking about this, how they’d all become friends, as he’s trailing after Jinhwan in the mall. Jinhwan is sipping some sweet drink Chanwoo had bought for him from a café, and he stops outside a coat shop. “Hurry up,” he says with a small laugh, and Chanwoo grins. Jinhwan wants to buy Junhwe a new coat (and Chanwoo doesn’t blame him—the thing Junhwe thinks passes for a coat is literally an abomination). Chanwoo has decent style (courtesy of years of friendship with Yunhyeong), and he’s roughly the same size as Junhwe, so Jinhwan had asked him to come help. Really, if Chanwoo thinks about it, they’ve come a long way—from when Chanwoo had wondered if Jinhwan would ever like to him to now when Jinhwan is asking for his advice about a Christmas present for his boyfriend. Jinhwan slurps up the rest of his drink and throws it away, and then with a soft smile up at Chanwoo, he links their arms together and strolls into the shop. 

Chanwoo has on a really nice charcoal grey peacoat, and Jinhwan is adjusting the fit, his brow furrowed, when he suddenly asks if Chanwoo is really moving to Amsterdam. Chanwoo blinks, caught off guard, and looks down at the top of Jinhwan’s head. He’s busying himself with the buttons, perhaps too intently, and Chanwoo frowns.

“I’m not really _moving_ moving, but yeah, I’ll be abroad for a few months.”  
“Hm,” Jinhwan says. He steps back to look at Chanwoo critically, but his eyes carefully avoid Chanwoo’s face.  
“It’s for my parents’ business,” Chanwoo says as he spins in a circle for Jinhwan.   
“Hm,” Jinhwan says again, and Chanwoo folds his arms across his chest.  
“I _have_ to go,” he insists. He doesn’t know why this feels like an interrogation, or why he feels like he needs to justify himself. But Jinhwan smiles at him, though it’s a little…sad, Chanwoo is surprised to note.  
“Can I visit you?” Jinhwan asks.  
Chanwoo snorts. “No, absolutely not, I won’t allow it.”  
Jinhwan starts unfastening the buttons of the coat. “Great,” he says, “I’ve always wanted to go to Europe.”

He drops the subject then and moves easily back to the topic of coats, then Donghyuk’s internship, and Chanwoo wonders what that had all been about. The whole Amsterdam thing is still supposed to be a secret (Yunhyeong really can’t be trusted with anything), and he’d been planning on calling all of his friends one by one to tell them over the weekend. What Chanwoo certainly hadn’t been expecting, however, was for Jinhwan of all people to assault him with his imminent departure while he’d been standing in the middle of a store wearing a swanky peacoat meant for someone else. It strikes him later, when they’re in line to buy the really nice black coat that had been his favorite, that Jinhwan is actually a little bit upset with him for leaving, that he doesn’t want Chanwoo to go. They leave the store and walk slowly through the rest of the mall in companionable silence, and Chanwoo realizes that Jinhwan is also both a good listener and a good talker, and in the past few years he’s given Chanwoo as much good advice as Chanwoo has given him jokes to laugh at. Amsterdam for six to eight months suddenly seems a lot less fun than it had this morning.

“Hey, hyung, thanks for putting up with Junhwe long enough to meet me and be my friend,” Chanwoo says suddenly.  
Jinhwan laughs, and it’s such a pretty sound. “What?”  
“You’re a really good friend, and I’m glad I met you, and I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for that loser.”  
Jinhwan bumps Chanwoo’s elbow. “You’re a really good friend too.”

He smiles up at Chanwoo, a genuine smile, and goes on to say that Chanwoo is even funnier than Hanbin. Chanwoo grins. It might have taken him the longest to get close to Jinhwan, but it had sure been worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually my favorite one lol.


	4. Episode 04: Yunhyeong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **episode 04: yunhyeong**
> 
> Of all the things he’d imagined Junhwe would ask him, this had been the least expected.

Yunhyeong is with his study group. It’s his turn to have it at his apartment (well, his other three roommates are also part of the study group), so everyone is crowded around the table in the living room. Yunhyeong had cooked for all of them, and as usual they’d all been excited to eat his food. So it’s been a nice Friday evening so far, which means a lot considering everything that’s going on with Jinhwan and Junhwe. He taps his pencil against the table and frowns. When he looks up, he notices a first-year staring at him. He raises his eyebrows. “Something wrong?” he asks. The first-year immediately mutters that everything is fine and looks back down at his flashcards. Some of the other upperclassmen snicker—partially because it’s fun messing with underclassmen sometimes, but mostly because Yunhyeong is the most easygoing sunbae of all of them and therefore the easiest for underclassmen to brush off. One of Yunhyeong’s roommates catches his eye and grins. The first-year will learn eventually.

Yunhyeong looks back down at his notes, smiling to himself, when someone starts pounding on the front door. “Hyung! Hyung open up!” Everyone stares at the door in confusion, but Yunhyeong gets up with a sigh. “Sorry, it’s my stupid friend.” He opens the door and is nearly barreled over by Junhwe as he storms into the apartment. “Can you answer your damn phone?” He’s half-shouting, flailing about wildly as he flings his backpack to the floor and stomps toward the kitchen. He freezes when he notices everyone at the table. Yunhyeong stifles a laugh as Junhwe’s neck and cheeks turn bright red. He whips around to face Yunhyeong, his expression pleading, and Yunhyeong points down the hall. “Go wait in my room,” he says. The words are barely out of his mouth before Junhwe has scooped up his backpack and practically run from the room. “Sorry,” Yunhyeong says, still choking back laughter. “I have to go deal with him.” The older students, who all know Junhwe, roll their eyes or give Yunhyeong knowing looks, and the younger students don’t seem to know whether they should laugh or pretend to not have seen anything. 

Yunhyeong finds Junhwe sprawled out on his bed. He closes the door gently behind him and sits beside Junhwe’s head. He pokes Junhwe’s shoulder. 

“What’s going on?”  
Junhwe sits up. He looks miserable. “It’s Jinanie-hyung. He’s so depressed, hyung, like _so_ depressed.”  
“Mm,” Yunhyeong says with a nod. He doesn’t know what to say. Junhwe picks at his fingernails.  
“He cried himself to sleep again yesterday. I dunno what to do.”  
Yunhyeong pats Junhwe’s thigh awkwardly. “He’s still at your place?”  
“Yeah. He’s asleep now. Or he should be. Or at least I hope he is.”  
Yunhyeong snorts. “Right.”

They look at each other, and Junhwe drops his eyes first, embarrassed. Junhwe doesn’t usually seek Yunhyeong out for advice about this sort of thing (he tends to force Donghyuk to listen to him complain and then fights with him until Donghyuk says what Junhwe wants to hear), so Yunhyeong assumes there must be a reason why Junhwe had come over tonight. Especially tonight, when Jinhwan has presumably been left alone. Junhwe runs a hand through his hair and heaves a sigh. When he looks back at Yunhyeong, his cheeks are pink. “Can you teach me how to cook?” Yunhyeong’s jaw actually drops open in surprise. Of all the things he’d imagined Junhwe would ask him, that had been the least expected.

“You want me to teach you how to cook?”  
Junhwe’s cheeks turn redder. “Yeah, he’s been complaining that we only ever eat junk, and—I dunno…” Junhwe looks at his hands in his lap with a frown. “I can’t make him feel better. I can’t make his parents not act how they’re acting. But this _is_ something I can do. And if I can make him even a tiny bit happier, then it’s worth it.”  
Yunhyeong’s heart goes out to Junhwe. He takes Junhwe’s hand and squeezes it reassuringly. “Yeah, June, of course I’ll teach you how to cook. Come over on Tuesday. I’m free all afternoon.”  
A huge, relieved smile spreads across Junhwe’s face. “Thanks, hyung. This means a lot.”

Junhwe comes over on Tuesday, and as promised, Yunhyeong teaches him a simple lemon chicken pasta dish. It comes out tasting decent enough (although it’s pretty difficult to get it wrong in the first place), and Junhwe seems more relaxed than Yunhyeong has seen him in days. “I can’t wait for him to try it,” Junhwe says excitedly. “You’re the best, hyung. I owe you big time.” Yunhyeong just tells him it isn’t something that Junhwe has to pay him back for.

But this starts something, and over the next few months, Junhwe starts coming over more frequently to learn new recipes. It’s been a long time since the two of them have had time together like this—not since Yunhyeong had graduated high school, he thinks. It’s nice, though, to hang out with his mentee again and bicker endlessly like they used to. Yunhyeong is almost a little sad to graduate because it means he won’t be around as much, so everything will just go back to the way it used to be. Junhwe is annoying, but he’s a good person, and Yunhyeong loves him. And Yunhyeong will grudgingly admit that he misses Junhwe when Junhwe isn’t around.

Which is why Yunhyeong is pleasantly surprised when Junhwe continues to call him to learn more recipes. They even try out some new ones together. They don’t really have that much in common other than similar backgrounds, but Yunhyeong is so glad that they’ve found something that they can enjoy together.

*

Yunhyeong, Donghyuk, Chanwoo, and Junhwe are spending the weekend at Donghyuk’s house. It’s the first time they’ve all gotten together in months, and Yunhyeong is excited. It’s been pretty fun so far, and Yunhyeong is happy that he finally has some time to relax and let loose. He likes his job, but it’s hard to constantly try to impress his bosses and work friends. His three dongsaengs love him despite whatever faults or shortcomings he finds with himself, and they understand him in ways his work friends probably never will. His girlfriend is also finishing up her last year at school, so she doesn’t have as much time for him. So there’s that too.

He’s wondering what she’s doing now when Junhwe smacks his head and leans over the back of the couch. “Hyung! Come cook with me!” Chanwoo looks up from his laptop, eyebrows raised in disbelief, but Donghyuk shakes his head. Yunhyeong considers the two of them for a moment before swiveling around to face Junhwe. He’s grinning from ear to ear, looking so earnest and cute that Yunhyeong sighs and gives in. “Sure.” He follows Junhwe into the kitchen. Junhwe tells Yunhyeong to make a salad while he prepares a stuffed chicken dish. Yunhyeong does as asked and then watches Junhwe cook, occasionally offering his help. It’s cute seeing Junhwe concentrating so hard. 

“So where’d you learn this?” Yunhyeong asks while Junhwe sets the timer on the oven.  
“Where else? The internet.”  
Yunhyeong snorts. “And what made you want to learn how to cook this?”  
“Well, you know how we’re moving, right?”  
Yunhyeong nods. Jinhwan had gotten a job offer from the place where he’s been interning, but it’s far from where he and Junhwe live. They’d decided to move closer. “You’re moving, what? Next month, was it?”  
“Yeah,” Junhwe says. “Anyway, the security deposit is a lot of money, and we’re spending a lot to have movers take all our furniture, so we’re trying to save. We don’t eat out or anything anymore.”  
“Oh,” Yunhyeong says. “I didn’t know.”  
“Yeah, so I cooked this for him,” Junhwe says proudly, but then he looks away, embarrassed. “Our anniversary was last week.”  
“Oh! I didn’t know that.”  
“He liked it a lot,” Junhwe goes on, staring determinedly at the oven, his neck bright red, “so I wanted to make it for you guys too.”  
Yunhyeong grins. “That’s actually really sweet.”  
Junhwe throws a dish towel at him. “Shut up.”

The food is surprisingly delicious. Yunhyeong is pretty impressed, and both Donghyuk and Chanwoo have nothing but good things to say about it. Yunhyeong asks Junhwe for the recipe later, and he’s vaguely amused by how the tables seem to have turned.

*

Yunhyeong gets out of the shower to two missed calls from Junhwe. He calls back, curious.

“Hyung!” Junhwe doesn’t even wait for Yunhyeong to say hello. “You better be free this Sunday!”  
Yunhyeong glances at his girlfriend next to him on the couch. “Babe, are we free this Sunday?”  
She doesn’t look up from her book. “I’m not, but as far as I know, you are.”  
“Apparently I am,” he says to Junhwe.  
“Great!” Junhwe says happily. “Me and Jinanie-hyung are coming over.”  
“Wait, what do you—” Yunhyeong starts to say, but Junhwe has already hung up. He sighs.  
“Who was it?” his girlfriend asks.  
“Junhwe,” he says, and she laughs.  
“Did he invite himself over?”  
Yunhyeong snorts. “You know him so well.”

Jinhwan and Junhwe show up mid-morning on Sunday with a bunch of ingredients. Yunhyeong can only stare as they barge into his kitchen and start taking over.

“What exactly is going on here?” he asks, frowning at Jinhwan as he tries and fails to reach a mixing bowl on the top shelf. Junhwe gets it down for him.  
“We’re going to teach you how to make samgyetang!” Jinhwan says, beaming.  
“You’re going to what?”  
“Teach you how to make samgyetang,” Jinhwan repeats.  
“But I already know how,” Yunhyeong says.  
“Not the way we make it,” Junhwe says. “It’s our special recipe. We make it whenever Jinanie-hyung is sick.”  
“And when you’re sick,” Jinhwan adds, elbowing Junhwe.  
“But—” Yunhyeong starts to say.  
“Junhwe finally told me how you’ve been teaching him how to cook the past year or so, so I told him we should teach you how to make the best samgyetang of all time.”  
“It is good, hyung,” Junhwe says earnestly.

Yunhyeong looks between them. They really look like they're excited about this, and he smiles. Junhwe has come a long way from only being able to use a microwave and boil ramen to now knowing multiple recipes by heart, including date night dinners and dishes to eat when sick. Yunhyeong feels oddly proud. “Sure, go ahead and teach me,” he says. Jinhwan and Junhwe cheer, and Yunhyeong laughs. He’s doing something he loves with two people he loves, and he’d like to think that maybe his help had brought them some happiness over the past year. And as he watches Junhwe snatch the onions from Jinhwan, complaining that Jinhwan never chops them right, Yunhyeong thinks he just might have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! The last one will be up eventually lol.


	5. Episode 05: Donghyuk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **episode 005: donghyuk**
> 
> Junhwe has got to be _so_ lonely, and Donghyuk has gotten pretty intimate with how that feels lately.

“Hey, wake up.”

Chanwoo smacks Donghyuk’s shoulder, and Donghyuk lifts his head from where it had been buried in his arms. “Wasn’t sleeping,” he grumbles with a yawn. He looks around the room. “Where’s the teacher?” Chanwoo shrugs and says that the teacher is late. Now Donghyuk is curious. Their homeroom teacher is a stickler for punctuality; she would never be late. There’s a buzz in the classroom as everyone whispers conspiratorially about where the teacher could possibly be. 

“All right, that’s enough chatter.”

The teacher’s voice cuts through the room as she throws the door open, and immediately everyone falls silent. Their homeroom teacher also doesn’t stand for talking while she’s at the front of the room. “All right, so today we—” she stops talking with a sigh. “Well don’t just lurk out in the hallway. Come in.” To everyone’s surprise, a boy shuffles into the room. The buzz starts again. “The new scholarship student,” Chanwoo whispers, and Donghyuk nods. He remembers hearing that the school had opened up scholarship applications last year. So this is their choice…

The new student is tall, but it’s the awkward tall of adolescence. He hasn’t quite grown into his limbs or his face, and he’s frowning hard at his scuffed loafers, refusing to meet anyone’s eye. His shoes are loaners from the school, Donghyuk notices. He wonders if the boy had gotten his uniform secondhand too. The boy mumbles an introduction, and then he practically runs to his seat. He’s in a desk against the window toward the front of the room, and Donghyuk watches the way Junhwe, as he is apparently called, slouches in his chair, the back of his neck bright red. Poor thing, Donghyuk thinks. It must be hard.

Partway through the semester Chanwoo moves to Europe. He’d mentioned as early as last summer that his whole family might move, but Donghyuk hadn’t really taken the threat seriously. Chanwoo’s parents travel a lot, and occasionally they even stay abroad for months at a time. But a few weeks into the semester, Chanwoo had confided in Donghyuk that his father had been gone since the beginning of the year and wanted to bring the whole family over. “Like a study abroad?” Donghyuk had asked naively. “No,” Chanwoo had said. “Like a permanent move. I can tell it’s going to happen; I just don’t know when.”

And then the time had come. Donghyuk had cried the last night Chanwoo had spent at the dorms, and he wishes he could have been able to see Chanwoo off at the airport, but Chanwoo had left on a weekday. There’s no way the school or his mother would have let him go. The first few days without Chanwoo are painfully lonely—Donghyuk hadn’t realized how important and constant Chanwoo’s presence in his life had been until that presence had completely disappeared. Of course he has tons of other friends (he’s actually decently popular), but it isn’t really the same. It’s hard to lose someone he’d been with nearly every day for the past decade.

During Donghyuk’s initial week of moping and missing Chanwoo, he takes notice of the new scholarship student Junhwe again. Some people in their class and grade had tried to talk to him at first, but for whatever reason he hadn’t clicked with any of them. He sits by himself at lunch (sometimes Donghyuk doesn’t even see him), and he doesn’t really approach anyone in the class during break times. There has to have been a little bullying, Donghyuk is sure, but most of the people at the school are nice—Donghyuk thinks the biggest problem is that everyone is already friends with everyone else, so there isn’t much room for someone new

“I heard he was crying for his mommy,” Donghyuk hears Sungcheol sneer one day. “Of course the charity case would also be a _crybaby,_ ” Jimin adds, which earns him some laughs from their friends. Sungcheol and Jimin are two of the more obnoxious people in the grade (and their friends are pretty brainless in general), so normally Donghyuk would take whatever they say with a grain of salt, but they also happen to be friends with Junhwe’s roommate Byungho. And considering Junhwe had had the worst midterm exam results in the class, doesn’t talk to anyone, and is living apart from his family for what Donghyuk assumes is the first time, Donghyuk thinks it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to think that Junhwe misses his mom and his old life and had, perhaps, cried about it. He’s got to be _so_ lonely, and Donghyuk has gotten pretty intimate with how that feels lately.

Donghyuk corners Junhwe’s roommate during the midmorning break the next day.

“Hey, do you know where Goo Junhwe likes to hang out after dinner? Or during lunch or whatever?”  
Byungho gives Donghyuk a dubious look. “Why do you want to know?”  
Donghyuk raises his eyebrows. Maybe Byungho feels bad for starting the crybaby rumor and is reluctant to share Junhwe’s hiding places. “I just want to talk to him,” Donghyuk says truthfully. “I think he’s lonely.”  
Byungho is quiet for a long moment, and then he sighs. Donghyuk is known for being kind and dependable, so Byungho must have decided he can trust Donghyuk. “He’s always in the west library or the courtyard behind it. At least, that’s what he says, anyway.”  
“Thanks,” Donghyuk replies with a small smile.

The library is too far away for Donghyuk to be able to find Junhwe and talk to him during the recess, so he decides to try to find Junhwe during lunch. As usual Junhwe is by himself, sitting on a bench behind the cafeteria. No one else is around. Donghyuk drops down beside him, and Junhwe’s expression hardens.

“What do you want?” he asks. He’s trying to seem confident and unbothered, but his eyes are nervous.  
“Why don’t you come sit with me and my friends?” Donghyuk offers. “So you’re not by yourself.”  
“You’d risk being seen with the charity case?”  
Donghyuk clucks his tongue. “You _do_ know Sungcheol and Jimin are the biggest losers in our grade, right? Don’t listen to them.”  
Junhwe stares at the empty snack bag in his hands, crinkling the edges between his fingers absently. “I’d rather just stay here for now, actually,” he says finally.  
“Okay,” Donghyuk says. “Just wait a minute.”

Junhwe gives Donghyuk a blank look, but Donghyuk jogs back to the cafeteria, gets his lunch, and then rejoins Junhwe on his bench. Junhwe looks surprised to see him again.

“My name’s Kim Donghyuk,” Donghyuk says.  
Junhwe smiles weakly. “Goo Junhwe,” he says.  
“Nice to meet you.”  
“You too.”

It takes Junhwe a while to open up enough to start sitting with Donghyuk’s friends at lunch and to stop hiding in the library all the time, but eventually Donghyuk manages to coax him into socializing. He really had just been unbearably lonely, and he’d been struggling to keep up with the pacing of the classes. They move much faster than normal public schools, so there are some things Junhwe had been expected to have already learned that he simply never had. But his pride had kept him from asking for help from the teachers or other students, so he’d been floundering. Donghyuk and his friends start tutoring Junhwe in his worst subjects, and with Donghyuk’s help, Junhwe and his mentor Song Yunhyeong finally start warming up to each other too. Once he’d gotten some support, Junhwe had started to change.

It’s a slow change at first, but Donghyuk watches Junhwe go from moody and defensive almost all the time to funny and loud almost all the time (though the moodiness and stubbornness still show up pretty frequently). The rest of the class latches onto him once they realize that he isn’t so awkwardly shy anymore, and his grades improve by finals too. He probably isn’t totally comfortable yet, Donghyuk thinks, but he certainly doesn’t seem to be lonely anymore. And for Donghyuk himself, the emptiness he’d felt after Chanwoo’s departure—though not completely gone—has lessened considerably. And when Junhwe punches Donghyuk’s shoulder outside his mother’s car as he’s saying goodbye before the summer break, when Donghyuk waves goodbye as he’s watching the car drive off, he thinks they’d been exactly what the other had needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was longer originally, but I cut it here because I liked how it ended.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed these side stories.


End file.
